How long are teathers, and where is the end of mine???

I woke up at about 5am this Morning after going to bed at about 1:30am. I couldn’t get back to sleep however hard I tried – it just wasn’t happening. Today is Monday, an important day, I had visitors from the motherland of Lincolnshire in the form of Alex and Rebecca over the weekend – it was fantastic to see them and I really enjoyed our time together. Yesterday I met up with another friend Pum for some food in China Town (her treat) which was really nice. So I went to bed with a bit of a warm fuzzy feeling, knowing that after my good night’s sleep I would awake refreshed and ready to tackle Monday head on with all the importance which it needs.


I have basically got nothing left to my name (apart from this laptop), I get paid at the end of this month around 50,000B (£1000), but until then I have just over 100B (£2). I have been on a strict regime of spending no more than 60-80B a day on food, cigarettes, transport and drinks, and so far its been fine. I have a nice little routine whereby I get up pretty early in the morning, 7 or 8am, I sort myself out, and then I go on a brisk walk around the block stopping on the way back to grab a 20B super-tall death coffee and 10-20B on either one or two portions of fruit (usually Pineapple, Watermelon or Cantaloupe). I then go back to my room, have my fruit and then drink my coffee and smoke some cigarettes whilst I am listening to podcasts from Adam and Joe or Radio 4 and either doing some writing or reading. After a couple of hours of this then I usually trundle my way down to my local coffee shop where I know the Italian owners and the Thai management, I sit and scour the world for jobs, apply my arse off and drink free water.


Depending on what else there is to do in my day (usually nothing), I will go back to my room for about 6pm, leave my computer there and then I will go and treat myself to the meal of the day at a whopping 30B. I sit with the locals and maybe share a beer if they offer it and talk until 9pm. Then I go back to my room and try to keep myself occupied until I go to sleep.


I don’t really mind elements of this lifestyle, but there are some parts which are really beginning to fuck me off! It’s been three months now, and apart from one private gig with a Doctor and writing three books for my old school at the end of last months, I still haven’t got a job! What the crack sticks is going on?! My C.V. is fucking amazing, I have had good experience here and I am confident in my ability, so why don’t I even get a simple reply from anyone. It’s a bit of a shitty time with it being the holiday period until the beginning of May, but still, I don’t really understand why I haven’t got something decent yet.


I don’t really mind waiting, but this is getting really stupid now. I have lost fuck loads of weight on the one-meal-a-day, which is a good thing – but it is also pretty soul destroying. I am really starting to miss the simple things we all take for granted, like being able to buy food regularly, doing your washing more frequently than when all your clothes have run out, going to work and things like being able to go for a night out, go to a restaurant, travel across the city (without having to walk for 1 -2 hours). I can’t even call people because I have about 70B of credit left and I need that for an emergency or to call about a job.


I don’t usually complain about this sort of thing, but today I am really just worn down, tiered of this monotony, and generally fucking pissed off at all this knob-twaddlery. I really need things to work out now. I’m here at the internet cafe now, its Monday I was really hoping that there would be a fat pile of new jobs on the websites for me to wade my way through applying for – but alas there was absolutely nothing... NOTHING! So, there goes my day really, no new jobs, no money. The only thing I do have it time, and so much of it that it’s getting quite painful. There is only so much anyone can really tolerate after two months of this poverty, and for the first time I feel like I am reaching breaking point.


I hope something happens today to change my mind, otherwise tomorrow is going to be a real bastard.